Christmas with Grief

Christmas is finally here. It is a season filled with joy and merriment. However, not everyone is experiencing happiness during this festive time. For people like me, grief is a challenging reality that needs to be dealt with even when the city is glowing with fairy lights and carols are playing on the radio. Grief can be a downer, but it does not mean the end of the world.

I have survived several Christmases while grieving. It is not an easy endeavor, but it is doable. Here are some tips that I can share on surviving Christmas with grief:

  1. Exercise- Working out can give you a much-needed energy boost. It can inspire you to continue moving throughout the day. Here is a Christmas themed workout that I have been following lately:

Video by Reps to the Rhythm

2. Write on your journal- Are you feeling lonelier than usual on Christmas time? Maybe you just need a journal where you can vent out and write your sadness away. Here is a video that may inspire you to jumpstart your journaling habit:

Video by Noted Journal PH

If you are not the type who journals in paragraph form, you can give bullet journaling a try. Here is a video to get you acquainted with the system:

Video by Noted Journal PH

3. Write a book- This can reward not just your future readers but your soul as well. Write your own story, and it could end up being a book. If you do not know where to begin, watch this video that helped me write my own book:

Video by AnakNiRizal

Christmas is just a season. It will eventually pass. Follow my suggested steps and trust me, you will get through this. So get moving, get writing, and make this Christmas a better story amidst the grief in your heart.

On Oatmeal and Grief

My father passed away in May 2019, but the process of grieving is still ongoing. There are days when grief is more pronounced, and I choose to deal with it through prayer and wearing my father’s old watch. And then there are the small moments that make me miss my dad a lot. One of those is oatmeal.

My dad liked oatmeal so much that he had to have it every single day. It was difficult for me to have oatmeal since his passing, but then I realized that I should learn how to eat this breakfast staple again. And so, after more than two years since his passing I finally ate oatmeal again. It was from a fresh canister containing a new pack of instant oats.

It was delicious!

Losing our loved ones can greatly impact us in both the small and big moments in life. It is up to us to grieve with dignity and to be kind to ourselves in the process. I hope that my oatmeal anecdote will remind everyone that grief never goes away, and it is an invitation to honor the dead by living a meaningful life.

On Grief

Today, I reflected on the significance of grief in my life.

I first experienced grief when I lost my high school best friend Diane in a car accident in 2008. It was devastating to lose a sister-figure at such a young age as we have just graduated from university back then.

Diane was a freshman at Ateneo Law School and had a promising future ahead of her. I mourned the loss of a very good friend. At the same time, I mourned the loss of Diane’s future as a successful lawyer.

It was difficult to move on from that incident because Diane was the designated sensible friend in our group. She was the first person I would call for advice. Losing her meant having to find the answers to my own questions. And by now, I can say that losing Diane has turned me into a self-assured individual.

I mourned the loss of my father in 2019. He died of cancer. By that time, I already knew how to handle grief. It was not easy, but I gave myself space and time to mourn.

There were good days, and then there were bad days. Whenever grief would hit me hard, I would find comfort in productive activities such as workouts and crochet projects. I prayed whenever I felt hopeless. And I thanked God when days were filled with sunshine, and I would remind myself to also do the same in times of darkness.

Grief is simply a part of life. It has taught me how to keep on fighting in honor of those who have gone before me!

Diane at 34

Last May 27 was Diane’s thirty-fourth birth anniversary. I celebrated her life and legacy by visiting her grave and paying my respects.

I am honored to be her friend. She taught me to appreciate the little things in life. She was creative and self-determined. She believed that she was destined for greater things.

In college, she asked everyone to call her “Scarlett”, and her classmates did just that. She later enrolled in law school to better herself and fulfill her childhood dream. She always kept up with her love for books and poetry.

I am sad that she passed away so young. She would have loved Instagram and used filters to add drama to her photographs. She would have followed accounts like Daily Stoic. She would have also enjoyed listening to podcasts.

I wonder how she would have treated the pandemic. I bet she would have disliked staying at home. And yet, she could have thrived in the work from home setup. Yes, complete with a ring light and a top of the line laptop.

I miss Diane because she knew how to empathize with me. She did not judge me, and she was my biggest cheerleader. She would have also helped me find someone to date when I was still single. She really was one of my most selfless friends.

I hope that she is at a happier place now. I also hope that she could say hi to my dad and grandpa for me.

She was a morning person, so I hope that she can also help me in that department!

If Diane can read this, I hope she knows that I miss her so much.