For Diane

Dear Diane, 


I am typing this letter on an app. That’s short for application, which are basically functions that a smartphone can have in its operating system. You download apps depending on your needs. Some cannot live without games. In my case, I tend to write on the go, so it is appropriate to have some KB in my phone dedicated to blogging. 

You might remember my blog, which I simultaneously posted on Vox and Multiply. I remember you liking my posts there. Both blogging platforms are no longer existent. Just like you. Although both you and my old blogs have given me wonderful memories. I must admit that some of them were embarrassing, but aren’t we all entitled to making fools of ourselves in uni? Well, I have since moved on from free blog platforms and I now have a paid website. A paid one! So adult, you might be thinking, but I just had to. Having a paid blog gives me a sense of obligation to actually post something every single day. If that makes me more adult, then so be it.  

I do recall you telling me before that you loved my email address. was appealing to you during the early aughts. At that time, I mostly wanted an email address that could motivate me to speak out, per se. So you can just imagine when I decided to name my website I was willing myself to speak out online. This time, I am keeping true to my word. I am actually doing it! 

So how’s life beyond Earth as we know it? I am currently unemployed. I think you know what happened, and I already shared it to you during my previous visits. Please help me find a job. I really need money for Christmas. Also, I need to pay my sponsored child’s annual fees. I hope you can help me out on that department. Just pray for me, okay? 

I miss you. I remember when we pierced our ears together in high school. I still keep my second piercings to this day. I am currently wearing hoops on those piercings. What are you wearing now? I hope you still got to keep your piercings in Heaven. 

What are you currently reading? I’m in the middle of The Prague Sonata by Brandon Morrow. It’s interesting because there is so much WWII and musical history going on in that novel. I think you would have enjoyed it. Okay if you need a comparison, I would say it reminds me of The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. 

The beauty of blogging on my phone and not on a laptop (besides, I don’t own one anymore) is that I can still feel connected to you somehow. You obviously don’t have a cellphone anymore. But just so you know, I still have your number here. No matter how many times I change phones or cellphone numbers, your number is always part of my phone book. Of course, someone else owns it now. But for me, it will always be yours  

Whenever I am unsure of myself or in need of prayers, I always find my way back to you. I visit your vault because it gives me the peace that I need. It gives me the impression that someone is listening. I know you are, and I hope you don’t mind if I will drop by just to catch up on things.  

It hurts that we cannot take selfies anymore. I’ve had a pixie cut for the last year and a half. It is very easy to maintain, but I have a feeling you prefer my long hair. I hope you’ll somehow approve of my pixie. It provides me with the convenience of not having to worry about my hair while working out and commuting. Oh, and speaking of working out, I exercise everyday. Yes to commitment! 

Remember A? You met him during my nineteenth birthday party. We are still together. Please shine some light over him as well, okay? 

I wish I could tell you that things will get better. But I am worried, D. I really do need things to get better. Please pray for me, okay? 

I miss you all the time. I wish you’re still alive. But since I still am, I promise you that I won’t give up. I will keep on fighting until I am still breathing. 

There is a job out there for me. There is this blog. And of course, there will always be you.  

I’ll visit you again soon, okay? 



In loving memory of Ruth Diane Ferrer, who passed away on November 1, 2008.  R.I.P.