Day 6: Chutzpah

It is 7:33am and I am on board the P2P to Ortigas. I am still in Cubao, which is already halfway to my destination. Cubao also happens to be location of provincial bus stations, so there is a bottleneck in this area which while expected, still never ceases to upset. You see, I left the house early (6:00am) but the MRT was not functioning to its full capacity and ordinary buses were already filled to the brim. I tried booking an Uber or Grab but both were cancelled. This was probably because the university I am working for is not a popular destination. I had to consider the P2P bus then which does not have stops in between two points. I was greeted by a longer queue than usual, as a result of the defective MRT operations. 

The difficulty of getting to work early has initially angered me. I woke up so early and prepared for work while it was still dark outside because I was keen on getting to the office on time. In fact, I enjoy the solitude in my cube before most of my officemates arrive. I could no longer focus on my podcast so I turned it off. Good thing my recent Braver Goals course has taught me how to focus on the status quo and employ the usual breathing techniques to get over setbacks so I can hustle without missing a beat. 

Before I knew it, I was already feeling more calm. I observed the crowd who were with me in the queue and I empathized with them. I am sure that they were also worried if they will make it to work on time. They probably have more problems than I do. In fact, I felt ashamed that I was already panicking about the possibility of not receiving my pay in full today due to tardiness. Some people carry burdens beyond my comprehension  I felt that I just had to be present in the waiting game without feeling desperate.  

I also realized that this situation is beyond my control. Similar to my resignation due to change in management in my previous job, this is something that I should not blame myself for. I cannot even blame others for this. Life has surprising ways to push us away from our comfort zones, so we just have to manage how we respond to them.  

There is so much clamor for us to assure ourselves that we got this every single time. While this is possible in an ideal world, we all know that the real world can be trying. This is why I have decided early on that I have to be courageous even when I feel so small. We have also been taught that it is wise to fake it 'til we make it, and it has worked for me through the years. I faked my bravery until I already felt that I could finish something that makes me insecure or insufficient. Today's transportation challenge has triggered this faux courage (fauxrage?) until I got into the groove and felt that man, I got chutzpah. I can get through this morning commute and whatever happens, I will survive this Monday. Even when I am a little nervous about the deliverables that I will be assigned to (I'm only a month into my current job), I am channeling my chutzpah (that's bravery, boldness, and audacity in Hebrew, according to Mr. Webster!) until it already feels real. We do create our perception of reality after all, so I encourage you to make it a brave one everyday!


P.S. I made it to my 8:30am shift!