Let Me Dine Alone

Transit Dialog has published my essay, Let Me Dine Alone. Here is my essay:

“𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵.”

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗠𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗔𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲

𝘉𝘺 𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘢 𝘎𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴

“𝘛𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘔𝘢’𝘢𝘮?”

“𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦, 𝘔𝘢’𝘢𝘮?”

“𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦?”

It’s 2022, and yet these questions are still commonly asked to me by both restaurant staff and people I know. I am aware that I should not take these queries personally, but it still fills me with wonder how dining alone as a solo lady in Manila can be a crucial judgment point.

So, in the year of Our Lord 2022, let me dine alone.

I am an only child who grew up with pretty solid opinions about the food that I liked. I enjoyed being a foodie from the get-go. I found it amusing to be asked why I was dining alone when I was younger, to which I would reply, “I am alone, thank you.”

But as I grew up and had more years of experience as a solo diner, I realized that I was seen as a social liability. Others looked at me with pity, as if I could not attract a man. There were those who asked me where my boyfriend was, and when I got older, where my husband was. Still, there were others who asked me if I was expecting anyone for business. I always had the same answer: “I am alone, thank you.”

I currently have a partner who also enjoys dining alone. He grew up with siblings, but he learned to enjoy his own company due to the demands of work. I found a kindred spirit in him, and our relationship remains to be a work in progress. Naturally, there are more days when I dine without him, and that is fine. I have a book, a bunch of playlists and podcasts to entertain me, and the occasional crochet project to keep my hands busy while my order is being prepared. I am alone, but not lonely.

Sure, we wear masks now to protect ourselves during a pandemic which has transcended all our expectations and perceived possibilities. But would you believe that I still get asked why I dine alone? I still reply that “I am alone, thank you.” And a global pandemic will not drive me to seek the company of others when I am perfectly fine eating alone.

Why do women like me have to answer so many questions when we choose to dine alone? We can afford to do so. We enjoy eating alone. We have people in our lives to dine with, but the pleasure of dining alone is incomparable.

There is no match to the peace that comes with people watching. There is the calming effect of planning my week ahead while savoring some pasta. There is the joy of sipping my coffee alone while writing in a notebook. There is the efficiency of replying to my emails as I wait for my bill to arrive. All of these can be done by myself, and the meals that I enjoy while simply being me are just a controllable variable in my frequent experiments with solo dining in Manila.

Abroad, I observed that I am not judged whenever I eat alone. The few times I did so was fun. People simply minded their own business. I was able to eat in peace. I was able to avoid saying, “I am alone, thank you.”

Dining alone makes me say, “thank you, I am alone.”

Because I owe it to myself that I am strong enough to dine alone in a society that questions that simple act. I am liberated by my skill to enjoy my own company and order my own food. I am my best self whenever I dine alone. I am able to share myself to the people and things that I care about more because I get to enjoy dining alone.

It is 2022. I am thankful for the gift of life, and the happiness behind enjoying my favorite food. Let me dine alone.

I hope that you will also try it soon.

𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘢 𝘎𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘉. 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘣𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦, 𝘸𝘸𝘸.𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘢𝘮.𝘤𝘰𝘮, 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘺 2017 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴. 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬, 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘖𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳 2021, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬, 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 2021.

Source: Transit Dialog