With the man I choose everyday.
Yesterday, A and I celebrated a year and seven months of being together. We have been through a lot, but we have chosen to remain together amidst all the challenges being thrown our way. I have experienced plenty of personal setbacks during the span of our relationship, but I always chose A.
I realized that love is firstly a selfish process. I choose to love because it allows me to share the love that I have for myself to other people. By loving A, I am offering my self-love and practicing self-respect as I support him in his own endeavours.
Love in itself is a noble principle. It is the core of every healthy relationship, because it means that both parties have enough love for themselves in order to share it with each other. While it is a selfish process, it is also unselfishly shared. The paradox of love never ceases to puzzle me, but it also fascinates me because even when there are bad days, I still choose to love the one I am with.
Now that A and I are already in our thirties, we cannot afford to waste any more time. We no longer have the luxury of youthful complacency. We are both job hunting, living our own lives, and concerned about our families. He has his social dancing like salsa and the Argentinian tango, while I have Zumba and my blog. He lives in Makati, while I am deeply rooted in Quezon City. The traffic, unpredictable weather, and economic uncertainty may threaten our relationship, but we have remained each other’s choice. And for that, I am grateful.
There are days when I am genuinely worried about my future. By this time, several of my friends are getting engaged. When will A and I reach that level? Will we have the financial stability to start our own life together? Will we grow as partners in a world where it is easier to live apart? But when I think of a future without A, I am left with an empty, hollow feeling. I know that my self-love will never falter, but I love A, so my world will be happier when I can share this love to him.
I used to pray for more months and years with A. Of course I still ask for those from the Lord, but now, I pray that we will be the right persons for each other. There are many ways to break up, but only one way to stay together. We must choose each other everyday, because love is a choice that serves us both as individuals and as the partners we strive to be.